How Education Fails our Children

How Education Fails our Children

by | Jan 8, 2016 | Parenting

Sir Ken Robinson is an educational specialist whose mission is to “save” our children from the current educational system that is failing them. His TED talks have over  10 Million views, so his message is getting out. I have included here a few of my favorite videos for you to view.

He talks about how conformity, batching and conformity are killing imagination and how education is in high need for transformation rather than reform.

Not only is he brilliant, but he is amazingly funny and witty.

Enjoy and see if it will push you to send your children to an alternative school, homeschool or at least question the status quo rather than question your child’s intelligence or abilities.

These videos will give you hope if your child is struggling in school, hope that maybe there is NOTHING wrong with your child but everything wrong with the setting he or she is in, and is so ill fitted for your child’s unique needs and abilities and talents.

Help your Child Feel Calm and Relaxed

Help your Child Feel Calm and Relaxed

by | Dec 20, 2015 | Meditation & Mindfulness, Parenting

A simple tool as mindfulness can help your child feel calm and relaxed. More and more schools are starting to incorporate mindfulness and meditation practices in their  curriculla because they have witnessed their beneficial effects on children’s behaviour and wellbeing.

It not only can improve attention, concentration and focus, children feel happier, calmer, more fulfilled, relaxed and creative and it impacts their academic performance. It also improves mental states such as depression and anxiety, and ruminative thoughts. It helps children to cope with the everyday stresses  such as exams, relationships, sleep problems, and family  and social issues.

In addition to a daily practice of mindfulness, I believe that there are two additional habits we can instil in our children that will not only improve their wellbeing, but will also make them more compassionate and grateful individuals, thus less likely to be entitled little brats. These practices are daily acts of kindness, which helps the child feel good about himself and the impact he has on others, and the practice of gratitude.

There are many instructional videos online that teach children and adults the practice of mindfulness.

When you teach children to practice daily acts of kindness, it moves them away from selfishness and teaches them the meaning of being of service, of being helpful and kind. Acts of kindness do not need to be any actions which require purchasing something, although those can be welcomed as well (e.g., donating food to the food bank, giving money or clothes to a family in need, donating money for research, etc.). Daily acts of kindness can be as simple as writing a loving note, preparing breakfast in bed, helping with chores, giving a hug, walking the dog, cleaning a mess, opening a door for someone, carrying a heavy bag, etc).

When you practice this and you teach this to your children, often children will find opportunities on their own to do acts of kindness because they see how good it makes people feel and as a result they feel good as well.

Finally, if many times a day you model to your kids the value of gratitude, even for the smallest things in life that we tend to take for granted, you will as a result reduce whining, complaining, and a sense of entitlement in children.

I am a strong proponent of prevention… Focus on the outcome you want to see in your children and become a role model of the value you hold true. This will have so much more weight than lecturing to your kids when they complain about not getting the latest iPhone or having to help out around the house.

When parents and children alike can practice on a daily basis mindfulness, acts of kindness and gratitude, these three simple practices will significantly improve the quality of your life in a significant manner. Those are three of the many practices of happy people.

There is a caveat to all this… you can’t expect your kids to develop these habits if you don’t embody them yourself. Always remember these simple pieces of advise as part of the parenting journey:

  • BE the man or the woman you want your children to become by embodying the values you hold on to the most. It is never too late to start! As Gandhi said “Be the change you want to see in the world”… (the world here being your children).
  • Don’t worry so much about what other people do or say. We all have different values. If it does not feel right in your gut, even if you are the minority, don’t do it or don’t allow your kids to talk you into it. It is OK to be different and to be proud of who you are. If you fear what others think, how can your kids be confident around their friends and not worry so much about rejection?
  • Be driven by your values, not by fear, and don’t worry so much about what other people think. Remember this: on their death bed one of the things the dying regret the most is that they wished they had the courage to live a life true to themselves, not the life others expected of them!
  • Make it a daily practice to take time to be mindful and live in the present moment, be grateful, and practice daily acts of kindness and reap the benefits!

Hope you enjoy the videos below:

 

 

Why Rush?

Why Rush?

by | Dec 13, 2015 | Meditation & Mindfulness, Parenting

That lucky 13!

December 13th…. a date forever engraved in my mind. How can I ever forget that Monday morning that changed my life forever…

Five  years ago today, at the tender age of two and a half my beautiful daughter Beatrice  was diagnosed with High Risk Leukemia. I won’t get into the story of what happened that day, nor the story of her illness because it was all documented on a blog I created just for her. I did this so that she could remember how courageous she was and all that she had been through. It was also very therapeutic for me to get it out of me because the pain of seeing her suffer was literally unbearable. Finally, the blog allowed people close to me to be updated without me having to be tortured by repeating our daily struggles over and over again… going through it once was traumatic enough…

This post is a positive post. It is a post about love, about cherishing every moment with your kids. It’s about taking the time to stop and smell the roses, and watching  the butterflies or fairies as they fly by.

Why hurry?

When I catch myself telling my daughter to “Just hurry up!”, whether it’s to get to bed, or rushing out the door for an appointment or school, I quickly remind myself of how precious every minute with her is. All too often when we were stuck in the hospital (her treatment lasted almost 3 years), how I wished we could be home doing the “boring” things. Because she was so weak and tired by the illness and the chemo, she had no energy to do what normal 3 year olds do. How I longed to see her jump around, run and scream, and be “annoying”…

I can truly say that I do cherish every moment with her and when I stray.. .Whether it’s wishing I had more time to write my blog posts, or when I feel rushed, I quickly ask myself if I’d rather be in 2010 when I was forced to live each moment to the fullest because I never knew what tomorrow might bring. Certainty no longer existed in my world… That was taken from me, December 13, 2010! I knew all too well, that our lives would never ever be the same.

What really matters!

I went from a busy successful career, to an unemployed stay at home single mom, living off donations ! I quickly found out what was really  important in life, and that I could truly be happy with little.. really. I got rid of my 40K truck, avoided stores and became creative when it came to entertain my daughter and bond with her. Forget fancy cars and restaurants, buying clothes, decorating the house, going to the the hairdresser, etc. Getting her back to health, and enjoying life to the fullest were my only priorities. Since then I realized that all we need is health and the rest will follow, because without it… well… your options are limited.

I was never a big spender, not into useless luxuries, but still, I’d spoil myself from time to time. I tell people that, although it was truly the worse time of my life, I had never been happier. No small feat for a  naturally anxious mom who worried a lot.

Decluttering my life!

Being in the helping profession, I was always into self improvement and getting my act together, and just like  everyone else…. I am always a work in progress and I  always have something to work on. Well, the gift of Beatrice’s  illness was to teach me to live in the moment, to  let go of resentments and of a past that is long gone, the importance of forgiveness to be able to move on, to not spend too much time worrying about a future that doesn’t yet exist, and to clean up shop when it came to relationships that no longer served me. It taught me to appreciate every single moment as a gift because it truly is. You never know how in an instant it can all be taken away, just like that, in the blink of an eye! Trust me.

The gift of patience!

I have always been ambitious professionally and striving to do more, and better my craft and also keep reinventing myself. That has not changed. What has changed is the urgency to get things done, to do more. It has taught me to be patient: all in due time.  Sure I get frustrated when I don’t get to the end of my To Do list or reach my goals’ timeline, but I quickly set myself straight, and bring myself to the present moment, and live it fully, in gratitude and acceptance. I constantly have to remember “all in divine timing” and I try to let go of trying to control the outcomes. And finally… when I lose my way, get frustrated or down, I sing to myself the chorus of the song “Unanswered Prayers”, or I repeat this very helpful mantra that has served me well so many times “Man’s rejection is God’s protection”.

 

(Lyrics that touch me : Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers ; Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs ; That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care; Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers )

 

I try not to resist what is anymore, you know the “bad” stuff… So it is not that I don’t have all the human emotions and struggles that most of us face.. I have just found a better way to cope with them when they arise. I have tried to start seeing that everything happens for a reason and I wait for the gift to show up. That is a major change for me: my immediate reaction naturally tends to always be anxiety!

It is inevitable that through every tiny or major hurdle lies a gift. Whether it be a better opportunity, catching my daughter’s special moves, bonding more, there is always a silver lining.

What’s the rush?

All this to say that, when we rush we are really chasing the future which has not yet happened and by doing so, we miss out on the beauty and the gift of this present moment. And if we don’t cherish that present moment, it is forever lost. So we need to live NOW. We need to slow down.

Before you know it your child will grow up and many things they do now will be gone forever due to the mere fact that they are maturing. And then… you will look back with nostalgia or regret. All too often parents can’t wait for their kids to walk and be independent, but with independance come distance. They no longer want to snuggle, they no longer need your help, they slowly but surely need you less and less. This is why, to be able to let go, you truly need to cherish all  these mundane moments as they arise because in their simplicity they are special because they are fleeting, and quickly pass you by.

So slow down… Instead of rushing the bedtime and morning routines, grant them more time. Allow children to be their natural selves, which is to live each moment as they arise (as we should) mindfully, playfully, full of awe with  the simplest things. As a result, there will be less nagging, less screaming, less arguing, less repeating  for compliance because they will have had the time to live fully at their pace, not yours. And when it is time to go, time to sleep, they will be ready…

Slowing down and being a participant in their lives instead of a referee will also bring you closer. And there is nothing more important than the parent-child bond. Love is truly at the core of a healthy relationship.

Our teachers!

It is us that need to slow down. WE have lost our way and forgotten what is important in life. We need to see the world through children’s  eyes, and hear the message they are attempting to pass on : “simple is better; now is what counts”.

When we slow down, we can truly learn from our children by simply being a witness of how they approach life and get back to that state from where we come from, but have forgotten our natural state. They know how to be mindful, they know what living life fully means, they know the importance of the present moment… we are the ones who need to learn these skills once again. And once we do, life will be so much more pleasant!

 

To read about Beatrice’s journey and mine, click on this link.

 

Flying with a toddler!

Flying with a toddler!

by | Nov 17, 2015 | Parenting

The thought of going on a long flight with a toddler can be daunting. You flash back to the time before you had kids and had to endure hours of screaming and crying, and wished you had brought ear plugs. Maybe you even thought to yourself “why can’t they just shut him up?!!”…

Well… now it’s your turn and how you regret having had those nasty thoughts. You worry that karma will finally pay you back 🙂 for having mentally cussed at those poor parents who probably were at their wits’ end. You don’t worry so much about your child because you know how to soothe him. Your main preoccupation is how will those fellow passengers react if you can’t console your tired child.

When my daughter was granted her wish trip to Hawaii we were elated… and unbeknownst to me that all our playing and role playing would pay off and was preparing her for a very long trip. Between playing the trip out, and proper planning for the long trip ahead, it proved to be an uneventful and fun journey!

So here I share what we did and hope it will have the same benefits for your family.

Feeling overwhelmed as a parent?

Feeling overwhelmed as a parent?

by | Nov 3, 2015 | Parenting

 

Too many activities!

Nowadays more and more parents are overwhelmed. One of the first areas I look at is at their kids’ schedules. Most of the time, children are over scheduled and have very little down time. Whether it be going to sports, music class, or a play date, when you add that to going to school all day, it ends up being a lot.

Tired after a long day at work and at school, then it’s rush rush rush to make dinner and get the kids out of the house to go somewhere. Then rush through homework. Rush through bed time… hurry, hurry, hurry! It’s no wonder kids act out, are stressed, overwhelmed and are disconnected from their parents.

Kim John Payne, the author of Simplicity Parenting covers 4 main areas in family life that can be improved upon. The subtitle of the book is “Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids“. There you go… the book cover says it all. So I thought I’d share with you quotes from various parts of the book, and this may spike your curiosity and make you want to buy the book to learn more.

In this post, I will cover his chapter on Schedules. So here are the quotes, I hope these pieces of wisdom make you  reflect… and ponder.

Too many scheduled activities may limit a child’s ability to motivate and direct themselves.

Activity without downtime is ultimately – like a plant without roots- unsustainable.

Bringing more awareness and balance to a child’s schedule can better serve his or her needs.

More than a simple pleasure, anticipation is identity-building.

To fully appreciate “the ordinary” is an extraordinary gift.

The “messiness” of free play, with its many changes and possibilities, builds an inner flexibility. A child’s love of an activity is not enough to protect him  or her from the effects of pursuing it too much, and too soon.

Food for thought… are your kids over scheduled? Do they have down time? Or are they busy from morning till bedtime? Children need a balance between busy times and break times… think about it… so do we !

 

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